


Palpatine

by TheLawyersKeeper



Series: Ben Solo's Guide to Misadventures in Smuggling [8]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Established Relationship, F/M, Force Dyad (Star Wars), Gen, Good Parent Han Solo, Hurt/Comfort, Married Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Mild Gore, Protective Ben Solo, Protective Rey (Star Wars), Sort Of, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:28:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23634613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLawyersKeeper/pseuds/TheLawyersKeeper
Summary: *Please read updates tags*
Relationships: Chewbacca & Ben Solo, Han Solo & Kylo Ren, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Poe Dameron & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron & Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Ben Solo's Guide to Misadventures in Smuggling [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1611718
Comments: 25
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

_“Ben, wake up darling!” Ben jolted awake, chest heaving and hair clinging to his sweaty face as he looked around._

_He was in his room in the palace, his girlfriend of a year lying next to him. Rey’s soft brown eyes were shining with concern as she blinked the sleep out of them, brown hair falling over her bare shoulder as she slowly sat up next to him. The moonlight giving her naked form an ethereal glow. Ben looked at her with wide eyes as he tried to control his breathing, Rey bringing up a hand to gently wipe the hair off his brow._

_“Bad dream?” Ben swallowed thickly, nodding as he pinched the bridge of his nose in an attempt to stave off the incoming headache._

_“Sorry sweetheart, didn’t mean to wake you” Rey shrugged, resting her head on his clammy shoulder as he calmed down. She gently rubbed his arm and he turned to kiss her head softly._

_“Do you want to talk about it” he sighed heavily through his nose and shook his head, slowly laying back down as she wrapped herself around him._

_“No, it was dumb anyways, just a bad dream” Rey chuckled and leaned up to kiss him softly._

_“If you change your mind, you let me know yeah?” Ben gazed down at her with sheer adoration and nodded._

_“I’ll let you know. Now, go back to sleep” she chuckled, curling against his chest as he pulled her close, resting his chin on her head._

_“Love you Ben”_

_“I love you too sweetheart”._

* * *

Kylo jolted awake, looking out at the stars as his chest stuttered. He turned to his side and felt an unknown panic hit him as he realized the bed next to him was cool and empty.

“R-Rey?” the silence that answered him was deafening, and he looked around the room again with large, wet eyes. He didn’t understand why he was looking for her, he didn’t even really understand _who_ she was for him to warrant looking for her. He gripped his hair tightly in his fists as he shook his head.

For the first time in his memory, Kylo Ren felt _scared_.

He looked down at the small gold band on his ring finger. He snarled at it and ripped it off, rushing into the silent halls of the ship towards the nearest airlock and setting it on the ejection platform.

But he couldn’t push the eject button.

He stared down at the little band and felt a stabbing pain behind his eyes, clenching them shut as he fell into the wall.

* * *

_“Congratulations Prince Solo!” the Senator of Coruscant laughed joyfully as he drunkenly advanced on the newlyweds. Ben felt his heart drop as the senator tripped, his large goblet of Ardees headed straight for his new wife’s beautiful wedding dress. Ben lunged forward, half sprawling his upper torso across the dining table as the alcohol splattered all over his black robes._

_Rey let out a shocked laugh as the Senator began apologizing profusely, backing away in embarrassment as Rey turned to look at him._

_“My hero” Ben rolled his eyes and leaned in to kiss her playfully._

_“I never get to see you in dresses, I’m not about to let that idiot ruin this one” she’d given his hair a playful tug, leaning forward to kiss him again as he laced their fingers together, the new sound of metal clicking together ringing in his ears as their wedding rings bounced off one another._

* * *

He suddenly felt naked and desperate, slamming open the chute again and grabbing the ring in a death grip as he rushed back to his room, hugging a knee to his chest as he stared down at it in the palm of his hand, tears sliding down his face.

_“They’re beautiful, aren’t they?”_ Kylo’s head shot up, looking over as the Scavenger slowly walked towards him, fingers fidgeting by her belly button. He felt his breath leave him as he took her in, staring at the lilac lingerie set she wore. She looked down at herself and blushed.

_“The planet I’m on has a very hot climate, and this is the only set of pajamas I have that remind me of you that are cool enough to sleep in”_ Kylo stared at her as another tear slid from his face as her form slowly moved towards him. She sat down at the foot of the bed, close but not touching as she held her own palm up with her wedding ring in her hand.

_“A matching set, your father gifted them to us. He had his dice melted down”_ her eyes filled with tears as he looked over his knees at her. He looked more like a frightened child than an Imperial war lord and all she wanted to do was hold him.

“I don’t understand, my head-“ Rey nodded and smiled sadly, placing her ring back on her finger.

_“I heard you, on Crait”_ he looked at her and she shuffled the tiniest bit closer to him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Rey nodded patiently and looked down at her hands.

_“No one blames you, for Luke’s death”_ Kylo shot his gaze back up to hers in shock and she smiled at him.

_“Come home darling. I’ll right every wrong, I’ll fix all of it. I just need you to come home”_ Kylo leaned away from her and snarled, looking more like a cornered animal than a Commander.

“If you miss me so much, if I’m so _darling_. Why not stay with me then?! That’s what I thought. Stop caring Scavenger, I have.” Rey studied him for a moment, refusing to take the bait no matter how much she wanted to.

_“If you don’t care, why are you still wearing it?”_ Before he could respond, Rey cut the connection, leaving him alone again in his room.

With nothing to comfort him but a small, gold band.

* * *

Kylo locked the door as he entered Hux’s office, the man would still be asleep, and his security system was child’s play.

_“Voice Activation Required”_

“Commander Kylo Ren”

_“Voice Activation Authenticated. Welcome, Commander Ren”_ he watched as the holoscreens came to life, sitting down in Hux’s chair and swallowing thickly.

“Display files, Keyword Kylo Ren”

_“Searching. Found: 2317 files containing Kylo Ren”_ Kylo fell back in the seat in shock. Why were there so many.

“Crossreference with Keyword Solo”

_“Crossreference complete. Multiple Key Phrases containing Solo”_ Kylo furrowed his brow, pulling out his own datapad to upload as he spoke.

“List Key Phrases containing Solo”

_“The following Phrases contain the Keyword Solo: Benjamin Solo, Prince of Alderaan, Rey Solo, Han Solo, solo mission-“_

“Crossreference all files containing the following Keywords, Kylo Ren, Benjamin Solo, Rey Solo”

_“Crossreference Complete. 374 files containing Kylo Ren, Banjamin Solo, Rey Solo”_

“Upload it to my personal datapad” Kylo watched the upload with shaking hands. Jolting at the hollow ping which indicated the upload was complete.

_“Upload complete.”_

“Delete search history and shut down”

_“Search history deleted. Shutting down”_ Kylo rushed back to his quarters, opening the oldest file as he locked his door.

He would not be making it to the bridge today.

* * *

Rey all but collapsed into the Wookie’s arms as he and Han finally returned. They were on Takonda, and while she had kept her side of the Bond opened. Ben had never tried to contact her. She was exhausted both emotionally and physically, but keeping him out had hurt so much more.

Han nodded to her from where she was buried in Chewie’s fur and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Hey kid” she smiled, nodding at him from her place. Chewie held her tightly and she already knew she wouldn’t be letting go for a while. Han sighed and slowly moved further into the base.

“I’ll go find Leia, why don’t you two go grab something to eat” Rey shook her head, muttering quietly. She hadn’t eaten since Crait, and even then it was the absolute minimum. Han sighed heavily and nodded. The only person who could ever pull her out of her grief had been Ben, Han was hopeless when Ben was the one that had her grieving.

“Okay darlin’, okay” Chewie nuzzled the top of her head, muttering to her quietly as she burrowed further into him. Chewie was tall and broad, and the way his arms wrapped around her reminded her of her husband’s consuming embrace.

“I think I’m going to go to bed Chewie” Chewie didn’t remind her that it was only two in the afternoon, he didn’t scold her for not eating. Chewie knew her heart was broken because his was too, he had no business pushing her around. He watched as Rey disappeared back into her tent, sitting on a crate outside her tent keeping watch while she rested.

Rey slowly changed into her sleepwear, pulling on one of Ben’s old shirts and stripping down to her underwear as she curled into the bunk, closing her eyes as tears slid down her cheeks. She twisted her wedding ring on her finger as she drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

Kylo heaved again, leaning against the toilet seat as another bought of nausea overcame him. His head was pounding, his nose was bleeding and the images circulating in his brain just wouldn’t stop.

_He’d been recalibrated four times._

_He was the son of the General Leia Organa_

_He’d killed his own uncle_

_He’d married Rey on New Alderaan._

_Rey was truly his wife._

Everything hurt as his memories began coming back, leaving him curled and convulsing on the floor. He’d read every file, he’d watched every video, heard every recording.

He remembered it all now, he remembered what happened on the _Supremacy_ that day.

_“Ben!” Ben jerked at the sound of his wife’s terrified tone. Watching as she reached over Chewie’s shoulder for him. He tried to convey how it was okay, that he was okay with this ending. She just needed to be safe._

_Ben was suddenly brought back to awareness as a blinding pain engulfed him. He turned in shock, feeling his body begin to react to the severe trauma in his chest. Hux’s snake-like eyes looked back at him and grinned. Rey’s faint ‘no’ reacted in his ears but it sounded so far away. All he could feel was pain. Hux leaned forward as Ben crumpled, catching the reckless prince to keep him from falling right away as he whispered into his ear._

_“You will bring about the fall of the New Republic” Ben’s eyes went wide as she crumpled, turning to see his family’s shattered expressions. He looked up at his uncle Chewie as his eyes filled with tears._

_“Chewie, p-please”_

He remembered the torture, the terror he’d felt as Snoke himself had entered his cell. The way he’d smiled as he made Ben an offer he couldn’t refuse.

He would have the Skywalker, or he’d have the Palpatine.

He remembered how the grotesque man had laughed when he’d fallen to his knees. How they’d celebrated as he embraced the darkness in him that had been pushed away for so long.

After all, he knew of his own darkness, but Rey didn’t have a clue.

If Ben had his way, she never would either.

* * *

_“Rey, wake up”_ Rey batted her eyes open and her heart stopped.

“B-Ben?” her husband smiled at her from his position crouched in front of her, nodding his head and running a hand through her hair. Tears welled in her eyes as he whispered softly.

_“It’s me sweetheart, it’s Ben I promise”_ he looked pale, sickly. And Rey found herself wanting to check his temperature.

_“I’m so sorry sweetheart, I don’t know if this is permanent, or if they’ll find out and Recalibrate me again. So I need you to listen closely okay?”_ Rey nodded as Ben began to spew off his information, how there was something happening on Exegol. How he was taking off tomorrow to discover exactly what it was, and how he’d try to get information to her. He told her everything she needed to know about the StarKiller Base, how to properly destroy it.

He told her everything – except about Palpatine.

That was his job alone.

_“Do you understand?”_ Rey looked at him with wide eyes.

“How do I believe you?” Ben swallowed thickly and shook his head.

_“I don’t know. But I do know that you need to eat something”_ a wet laugh bubbled out of Rey, effectively surprising both of them. He smiled, but jerked his head as his attention was pulled off to the side to something she couldn’t see.

“Ben?”

_“I have to go, listen to me Rey. You need to stop this, you kill anything that gets in your way okay? Even – even if it’s me”_ Rey’s eyes spilled over as Ben looked at her with tortured eyes.

_“Promise me Rey”_

“I p-promise” he smiled at her sadly and disappeared, leaving her scrambling to get dressed as she took off into the Takondan night towards Han and Leia’s tent.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Sorry this update is so late, I've been really sick but now I can sit up in bed again so here we go lol, I hope to be back to regular posting soon! Happy belated Star Wars Day <3

Ben kept his mind carefully blank as he sliced through the Rebel Forces around him. He couldn’t think about it, couldn’t think about his friends and allies were the ones he was slaughtering. He’d never be able to get away with that in his mind for Snoke to see.

He kept the mantra in his head.

_Find the Scavenger._

He could focus on her face, letting Snoke believe it was single-minded determination.

But giving him the comfort he so desperately craved.

He glanced over at a nearby Knight and snarled.

“Prepare my ship, I’m needed for an audience with Snoke” soon enough the Knight would realize that he’d lied, that there was no meeting with Snoke.

But by then Kylo Ren would be the Supreme Leader of the First Order, and it wouldn’t matter how he got the position.

* * *

Rey swallowed thickly as she sat in the forest, steadying her breathing as she meditated. She focused on the tricks Ben had taught her, how to take deep slow belly breaths and just let her head rest, not fighting the movements her body naturally made.

It had been weeks since that night in her tent, when he’d crouched by her side and rattled off crucial information that only he could know. She’d tried to contact him, but the bond was locked down tight and Rey didn’t know if it was to protect her, or if something more sinister had happened.

“He’s not dead, you’d know” but even as she said it she was unsure.

If she’d know if he’d died, wouldn’t she have known he had survived the _Supremacy_? Wouldn’t she have known about the torture he endured for months while she was hidden away on Jakku feeling sorry for herself.

Maybe she _wouldn’t_ know?

“Rey!” she turned abruptly as Poe ran up to her.

“It’s Ben, and it’s bad”

* * *

Rey watched in horror as the footage from Ajan Kloss played on the holoscreen. Stormtroopers and Knights mowing down Rebels and innocents alike.

And front and centre leading the charge was Commander Kylo Ren.

Rey pressed her hands to her face, tears falling down her cheeks as she watched the carnage her husband inflicted. She finally turned away as Ren cut a Rebel fighter clean in half. Rose clenched her eyes shut and Fin gagged as Poe looked between Ben’s parents and his wife.

“Ben’s gone Rey” tears slid down the man’s face and Rey shook her head.

“No, he can’t be – I just spoke to him-“ Finn turned to her sharply and bore his eyes into hers.

“That was _months_ ago Rey! Ben’s gone, we have to stop Kylo Ren, by any means necessary” Han balked at the idea but Leia hung her head as her eyes filled with tears.

“Finn’s right, we can’t let thousands suffer for one man. Even if that man is my son” Han turned to her harshly, eyes going cold.

“Leia-“

“You think I want to do this!? To send troops after my own boy! We can’t keep asking people to die for our sins Han. As of this moment Senator Ben Solo, Prince of Alderaan – _my son –_ is dead.” Rey crumpled, Chewie catching her as he let out his own cry of anguish. Finn stepped forward and looked at her.

“General Organa, permission to launch an attack on the Starkiller Base”

“Granted” Finn swallowed thickly and cleared his throat as tears filled his eyes.

“Permission to execute a kill order on First Order Commander Kylo Ren for galactic war crimes” Poe’s jaw dropped and Han shook his head as the ringing in Rey’s ears began to overpower every other sound. Leia let out a ragged breath and whispered.

“Granted” Han let out a roar as Rey turned on her heels, sprinting into the forest as Rose tried to grab her.

“Rey!”

* * *

Ben sat on his ebony throne with an air of indifference, he’d redesigned his throne room after Snoke’s untimely demise and he knew that Hux was just waiting for his moment to catch him unaware. His Knights were outside the door awaiting his instructions as he twirled his saber hilt in his hand. He’d told them he was meditating, that his battle with Snoke after he had been unjustly attacked by the Praetorian Guard had weakened him.

They didn’t know he was lying, that he had initiated the attack. They didn’t know that he was intentionally keeping the Base in a holding pattern.

They didn’t know he was waiting for Rey.

He rested his head back against the large obsidian chair, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath in to calm his nerves –

_“Ben!”_ the shriek had him doubled over instantly, eyes wild as his wife slammed into his consciousness with the force of a dying star. She looked horrible. Hair wild eyes filled with devastation and barely able to breath around the horrid, gut-wrenching sobs that racked her petite frame so she could barely stand.

He leapt from the chair in panic, blocking access to the throne room as she barrelled into him, her force presence colliding with his chest as she _clung_.

“Rey, sweetheart what’s happened?!” Had his troopers gone rogue out of boredom? What could possibly have her so distraught?

_“They gave up! Stars they all gave up on us”_ Ben suddenly became very aware that the ‘us’ was actually a ‘you’. He held to him tightly, squashing down his own panic and pain as she rattled off what had happened on Takonda, how they’d seen the footage from Ajan Kloss and decided that there was no way Ben could still be inside that monster.

And if Ben was being honest with himself, he definitely understood their view.

_“They’re on their way! They have a kill order on you. Ben you have to run, you have to go hide – I’ll come find you, we can go together-“_ Ben pulled away and looked at her, smiling at her sadly.

“You know I can’t do that Rey, I’ve killed Snoke, I’m Supreme Leader now” she furrowed her brows in heartbroken confusion and gripped his cloak in her fists.

_“What? You’re not hearing me Ben, they’re going to **kill** you” _Ben nodded, winking at her as he tucked a wild strand of hair behind her ear.

“I hear you sweetheart, but I can’t just run away. Rey you know that” Rey shook her head, pressing her face into his chest and sobbing.

_“Please, please Ben. I can come get you, we can explain everything. You can just walk away, Snoke’s gone, there’s nothing there to control you anymore”_ Ben closed his eyes against the desperate pleas and pulled back to press his forehead against hers.

“There’s more here than you know baby, I can’t come home yet” Rey shook her head in denial as she pulled at him. Ben felt his own eyes fill with tears as she tugged at him again.

She was so scared, and he couldn’t fix it. Not yet.

_“Ben, please, let’s just go. It can’t be this important”_ Ben shook his head and gently wiped her tears away.

“I can’t, it is sweetheart, it’s the most important and I have to deal with it first okay?” Rey sobbed and looked at him angrily, backing away in rage.

_“What!? What could possibly be so important that you’d stay here in this death trap!? What in the galaxy would ever be good enough motivation for you to stay here while your own **friends** come after your very life!?” _Rey felt the fight begin to wane as Ben’s extended silence, deep honey eyes boring into hers with so much devotion in them she felt her breath catch in her throat.

Whatever it was, it was about her.

_“Ben-“_ that sad smile returned to his face and he shook his head.

“You can’t help with this one Rey, I need you to stay safe. Just please, believe me when I tell you that I’m **me.** I’m your Ben I promise” Rey closed her eyes as another sob racked her body and Ben gently pulled her into his arms one more time. He kissed the top of her head and tightened his arms around her.

_“I just want you to come home”_ Ben nodded and kissed her temple lightly.

“I’ll come home to you sweetheart, I promise” Rey nodded and pressed her face into his neck.

_“You need to get off the base before we get there”_ Ben sighed heavily and shook his head.

“You know I can’t run off, it’ll be suspicious. You’ll know where I am” Rey wiped at her eyes again and stepped back. He winked at her and smiled tenderly as he nodded.

_“I’ll find you”_

“I know you will” with that Ben cut their connection off, leaving Rey alone in the lush green as she cried.

If she was going to save Ben, she was going to need help.

* * *

“Woah sweetheart where’s the fire?” Rey looked up at the chest she slammed into, recognizing her father-in-law’s gruff tone.

“None of your business, leave me alone Han-“ she went to storm off and Han grabbed her arm, pulling her into a nearby alcove with Chewie and BB-8 hurrying behind.

“Easy tiger, I left Leia” the words landed like a gauntlet being thrown and Rey looked into the devastated eyes. Han breathed deeply through his nose and Rey realized he’d been crying.

“I can’t stay with someone who won’t see the good in my boy anymore” Rey grabbed him.

“He’s still Ben, I know he is! You have to believe me, it’s an act” Han nodded and Chewie rumbled his support. Han looked around at the base which was rapidly coming to life as the Rebels prepared to launch their attack. Han pulled her further away and looked at her.

“Alright kid, get your gear. We’re going off grid” Rey nodded as Han handed her his blaster.

“Meet me at Maz’s tent in ten minutes, don’t be late or I leave without you, capiche?” Rey nodded, looking down at the little droid as Han and Chewie began to sneak off.

“Come on BB, we’re going to need more durable clothing” the droid beeped as she rushed them back to her own tent.

* * *

“Rey, I need a co-what are you doing?” Poe froze in the entrance of her tent as Rey spun around, she was dressed in her black tactical pants and long sleeve and leather jacket as she clipped Ben’s blaster to her belt alongside her lightsaber. Han’s still in hand.

BB-8 chirped happily but Rey quickly shushed him, looking at Poe with wide eyes.

“You’re with Han?” Rey levelled him with a look as she grabbed her bag and began to brush past him.

“Don’t be difficult Poe-“ he grabbed her arm and looked at her.

“Rey, he’s _gone_. He made me promise to protect you, I can’t just let you run off half-cocked with an old smuggler!” her eyes turned dangerous and she growled.

“As opposed to a disgraced Spice Runner?” he clicked his jaw and she lurched away.

“Rey, you can’t-“

“Stop telling me what I can and can’t do! If you don’t believe in him anymore fine, that’s your burden to bear. But I will _never_ stop believing in him, and I won’t stop fighting for him. I release you of your promise Poe Dameron, now get out of my way” Poe squared his shoulders, blocking her exit.

“I’m sorry Rey, but I can’t do that” Rey’s eyes suddenly went dark in a way Poe had never seen, her saber crackling unstably as she ignited it and Poe flinched back. He could see the stress lines in the kyber as it crackled under her unstable emotions. He stepped back and put his hands up in submission.

“Move or I’ll make you move” BB-8 whirred nervously and Poe gaped at her.

“Rey?”

“I said _move_!” Poe stumbled back as she rushed past him. BB-8 hesitated and both Poe and Rey turned to him.

“BB?”

“Let’s go BB-8” the droid looked between the two of them nervously and Poe looked at him sadly.

“Come on Buddy” Rey snarled and turned rapidly.

“I can’t wait for you BB, make up your mind” she stormed off through the woods, ignoring the pain of hurt as the little droid didn’t follow. She was halfway to Maz’s tent when a high pitched whine echoed behind her. She turned sharply and watched as both Poe and BB-8 rushed up behind her. She braced herself and Poe raised his hands and jumped back.

“I’m with you, I’m with you” she glared at him as Maz stepped out of her tent.

“Ah, Commander Dameron, nice of you to join our rag-tag bunch” Poe groaned as he followed them back into the tent.

“Finn’s gunna kill me”.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major Character Death in this chapter
> 
> Just an FYI, this is not an anti-Leia fic!! I adore General Organa and the Late Great Carrie Fisher. That being said, in this story Leia is in an impossible position but she is the leader and unfortunately leaders have to make choices they don't always like.
> 
> I just wanted to clarify super quick in case anyone got nervous <3

The tension in the Falcon was palpable as Han silently flew the Falcon towards Ilum. Rey tucked her feet up from her spot in the copilot’s chair, looking over at Han as he white-knuckled the steering column.

“Y’know, when I gave you kids this craft, I thought I’d be flying it less, not more” Rey snickered softly and Han turned to look at her.

“How ya holdin’ up darlin’?” Rey shrugged, looking out at the stars as she lightly fingered her moonstone pedant.

“Aren’t you the one who just ended a thirty year marriage?” Han snorted gruffly and looked at her.

“Touche, however, I’m not the one who just watched her best friends drop a kill order on their husband”

“You’re right, it was your son” Han sighed and looked at her with raised eyebrows.

“Flyboy’s right you are stubborn” Rey looked at him and smiled as he turned back to the viewscreen.

“You talked about me? Any good stories” Han snorted and Rey watched his eyes fill with tears.

“Kriff, that boy was always talking about you. He had no idea how to navigate any aspect of your relationship. You should have seen him when he was getting ready to propose” Han let out a wet laugh.

“He was standing there shaking in that jewellery store like some pimple faced teenager, he didn’t have the first clue what to do” Rey grinned, remembering how nervous he’d been that day on Pandor.

“You’re avoiding the question – how are you doing?” Han sighed heavily and his eyes turned sad once more.

“I just left the love of my life, and all my friends and allies except for the people in this ship want my son dead. I have definitely had better days” at Rey’s silence he continued shakily, rogue tears escaping as he smacked the panel in frustration.

“I mean I know you have a job but he’s our _son._ I can’t just – he’s my boy. She loves him, Maker knows she does but she was never with him when he was being a kid y’know? She never saw how his face lit up in excitement the first time he flew a ship on his own, she didn’t see his eyes light up when he met new places and people-“ Han let out a sob and Rey immediately lurched forward, cuing the autopilot as Han’s arms fell into his lap.

“She saw our perfect little prince, she never scooped him up with a scraped knee – I did, she wasn’t who he went to for his nightmares. Kriff, she didn’t see him fall in love with you, _I did_. How – how am I supposed to just look the other way? How am I supposed to look into the same eyes that would wake me up with tears in them because he had a nightmare and tell him he’s not my son?” Han looked at her and he appeared so lost that her heart broke all over again.

“We’ll get him back, I promise you he’s in there Han, I can feel him” Han looked up at her and nodded.

“Thanks doll, Why don’t we go grab some dinner huh?” Rey nodded and let him pull her into a hug, kissing the top of her head and rubbing her back gently.

“Sounds good” he led the way down to the main area, Chewie and Maz were sitting at the table, Poe was crouched nearby tending to BB-8 as they entered. Poe looked at her and swallowed thickly.

“Finn’s been comming me non-stop” Rey glared at him and Poe flinched under the rough gaze.

“Do we need to lock you in here, because we will if you decide to be a problem” Maz blinked over at him and watched in amusement as the two squared off. Poe searched her gaze and finally lowered his head.

“No, no trouble” Rey nodded and sat down next to Chewie, allowing him to pull her into his side as Maz shoved Han into her seat, standing to begin to prepare a meal for everyone as she set two bottles of Crystal Mead on the table. Rey and Poe both shared a look as Rey grabbed the bottle. Poe mumbled softly as he sat on the floor next to the table.

“Been a long time since I’ve seen those bottles” Rey peeled at the label, murmuring quietly in response.

“Ben’s birthday, the beach party” Poe laughed wetly as Maz handed him a bottle.

“You know, I _hated_ you.” Rey balked as Maz immediately crouched down next to the severely distraught man as he pointed at her.

“Oh yeah, see Ben and I had plans before he met you, we were gunna take over the Falcon and split between smuggling and spice runs. We’d be set for life, then he comes home with some little Jakku street-rat he found and he just would _not_ shut up about you. I _hated it_ –“ Pow slammed his head against the wall and Maz hushed him.

“-And then I heard about you saving his ass on Corellia how could I hate you, how could I hate the woman who saved my best friend’s life and then just let me hang all over him for three days with no issue.” Rey smiled at him sadly.

“It’s okay Poe-“

“ _No it’s not!_ Because I was willing to believe we should kill my best friend, the man who had me as his best man, my _brother_. And I agreed to kill him, and the only thing that could change my mind was you, this woman who I _loathed_ and now it’s like you’re all I have and after this I won’t have either of you and it was my fault-“ Rey gently moved Maz out of the way and took her place next to him as he began to sob.

“I was gunna kill my best friend, I was gunna _kill him_ ” Poe pressed his face into his hands as he cried, the guilt of what happened beginning to settle in as his Comm continued to buzz. Maz gently reached over and took it in her hand, shutting it off and patting his knee comfortingly.

“There, there. Let it out” Han heaved a sigh and took another swig of his beer, Chewie hanging his head as the tension finally gave way to grief.

* * *

“Show yourself” Kylo Ren’s low growl echoed from the walls on his private quarters on Starkiler as he activated his saber.

 _“Now now my boy, is that any way to speak to family?”_ Palpatine’s voice ricocheted in his head as he wildly searched the room.

“We’re not family”

 _“Don’t play stupid young Solo, it doesn’t become you”_ the voice came behind his left ear and Ren swung blindly, his saber destroying his wardrobe and desk. He let out a cry of fury and yelled out.

“Show Yourself! Coward!” Palpatine cackled and his voice floated around his head again.

 _“If it’s so important, you should come to me”_ Ren snarled and jerked the saber around again, his bookshelf cascading in pieces.

“Tell me where you are then”

 _“But my dear boy, you already know where to find me”_ Ren froze as he stood, realization filling his eyes as his lips parted in shock.

“Exegol” Palpatine’s laugh boomed out in joy as the lightsaber slowly lowered. It wasn’t clues to Palpatine he would find on Exegol.

It _was_ Palpatine.

 _“I’ll be waiting for you – oh, and say hello to my granddaughter for me”_ Ren stood numb as Palpatine’s presence evaporated. Suddenly enraged, Ren threw his helmet on and roared out of his quarters and right into a duo of unsuspecting Troopers.

“Prepare my ship!”

* * *

Leia sat alone on the _Nexus,_ tears sliding silently down her face as she looked out at the stars.

“General? Are you alright?” Leia turned as wiped her eyes as Kaydel sat down next to her quietly. She took the younger woman’s hands in her own and smiled.

“Kaydel, the life of a successful woman is exciting and wonderful, but sometimes it can just be so lonely” Kaydel looked at her sadly as she turned back to the window.

“Amazing how much one decision can change isn’t it?” the silent tears slid down the General’s cheeks again and Kaydel scotched closer, wrapping her arms around the older woman’s waist and resting her head on her shoulder. Leia cleared her throat and looked at her.

“What are you doing?” Kaydel shrugged from her position, not looking away from the window as she spoke softly.

“Trying to make it less lonely” Leia didn’t reply, but she wrapped her own arms around her, smiling as she rested her head on top of Kaydel’s and allowing herself a moment of comfort.

* * *

Ren activated his saber as he crossed towards the levitating cliff face, eyes blazing as he stalked along the corridor until he found a platform to lower him to down.

 _“Clever boy, I knew you’d find me”_ Ren snarled, eyes darting around him as the platform landed. This place made his skin crawl, and for a moment he allowed himself to wish for some form of comfort. A hand to hold, a reassuring pat on the chest, a warm smile.

It had been a very long year.

“I should have known rats hide in dark corners”

 _“So much like your father”_ Ren clicked his jaw as he turned the last corner, willing himself steady as the cloaked figure came into view.

It had been a long time since Ren had felt afraid for himself and not someone else. But he decided very quickly that he did not want Exegol to be the last place he ever saw.

“I killed Snoke, I’ll kill you” the voice cackled, no longer in his head as the scratchy sound echoed off the stone walls.

“My dear boy I _made_ Snoke” Ren raised his lightsaber, pointing it at the figure as the mangled grin came into view.

“I’d lower that saber if I was you Benjamin Solo, I have an offer you can’t refuse.”

* * *

The blaster fire echoed through the air as Rey sprinted through the base, Han hot on her tail as they rounded the corner to the control room.

“Here, once we get this we should be- Ben?” Han froze, causing both Rey and Poe to collide with his back as they looked at the catwalk. Rey felt relief rush through her and immediately started towards him, only for Poe to pull her back as Han set a hand across her abdomen.

“Rey, look at his eyes” Rey furrowed her brows at her friend’s whisper until Han slowly stepped forward.

“Ben?” Ben flinched violently at the voice and Chewie began to immediately pull Rey and Poe to hide behind a panel.

“Chewie! Let go, what are you doing?” Chewie growled low as Han began to slowly approach his son on the catwalk, gently reaching forward with one hand. Poe leaned into her ear and whispered harshly.

“Something’s wrong” Chewie rested a heavy hand on her back as Han closed the distance between them.

* * *

Han could see the war in Ben’s eyes as he stepped towards him, and the way his shoulders slightly dropped as Rey was removed by Chewie. Han gently reached out to Ben and he swallowed thickly.

“Ben-“

“Your son is dead, I killed him” but as he said it he was shaking and Han began to realize that something had gone horribly wrong. Han pitched his voice low and looked at him as he whispered.

“What’s going on Ben” tears welled in Ben’s eyes as he whispered back.

“I’m in trouble dad” Han nodded, slowly reaching out to comfort him when Ben lurched away, voice returning to its original volume as he yelled.

“He was _weak,_ so I killed him!” Han gaped at him and gently reached a hand towards his face.

“What do you need?” Ben inhaled shakily and looked at him, and Han was reminded of his young boy trying desperately to be brave while fighting off the demons in his head.

“H-he said I h-have to choose” Han furrowed his brow and cocked his head. Ben swallowed audibly and an ugly feeling settled itself in Han’s chest.

“H-he’ll kill her” Han nodded, keeping his voice low as he stepped even closer. He finally noticed Ben’s saber in his shaking hand. Han slowly looked back up at him, giving him a soft smile as he looked back at the weapon.

“Come home Ben” Ben voice went shaky and he looked at him.

“It’s too late, you don’t understand” Han shook his head and gently cupped his cheek.

“Who is he?” Ben shook as he whispered weakly.

“Palpatine” Han’s eyes went wide and he shook him gently.

“Where is he Benji, what have you gotten into?” Ben shook his head

“He – he said I have to lead, or he’ll kill her” Han’s eyes went wide and Ben blinked the tears away.

“She’s his granddaughter” Han glanced over at the trio still positioned away on the upper ramp and sighed heavily. He turned back to his son and took another step closer, placing his hand back on his cheek.

“Hey, flyboy look at me. It’s okay Ben, it’s _okay_. We’ll figure it out” Ben let out a weak sob, looking up at him with devastated eyes.

“I know what I have to do, but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it” Han smiled gently and nodded.

“It’s okay Benji” Han gently closed his hand over his son’s trembling saber.

“Take care of your mom for me” he winked and Ben stared at him with lifeless eyes. Han didn’t need to tell him that he and Leia weren’t together. In fact it wasn’t even in his mind.

All he knew was that he was looking into his son’s eyes, and his son was looking back. There was still hope for Ben.

Even if Han didn’t live to see it.

Han felt a quick heat in his abdomen, and Ben’s arm darted out to catch him as tears welled over in the young eyes.

“I-it’s okay kid” Ben’s lip quivered as he weakly whispered a _‘thank you’_ and Han took his last moments to memorize his son’s face before he was engulfed in a peaceful darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY ITS SO SAD
> 
> I snuck a little moment with Leia and Kaydel because it's Mother's Day and they deserve a happy moment.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please read updated tags as this chapter does briefly and vaguely deal with thoughts of suicide/death.
> 
> Love you all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I just realized I typed Finn in the last chapter instead of Poe (this is why I shouldn't write at 3 am lol) I've gone back and switched it so the following chapters make sense! It's the exact same, just Poe instead of Finn!!
> 
> Thanks so much for your patience! Sorry again if it caused any confusion!! <3

Leia was walking along the bridge of the _Nexus_ when she was suddenly knocked to her knees, the Force rippling around her as tears filled her eyes. Kaydel dropped to her knees next to her, wrapping an arm around her and grabbing her hand as she searched the older woman’s face.

“General? What’s wrong!?” Leia looked at her with devastated eyes as the other members on the bridge began to rush towards her, Finn dropping to his knees next to them as Leia leaned into Kaydel’s side.

“It’s Han, he’s gone” Finn’s eyes went hard as he looked at her.

“Ren?” Leia nodded weakly and Finn leapt to his feet.

“Put us in orbit, I’m going down there”

* * *

Rey could barely hear her own shriek over Poe and Chewie’s as Han’s lifeless body fell from the catwalk. Ben’s head jerked towards them and Chewie fired his blaster blindly, hitting him in the shoulder as the three ran. Rey felt the last little bit of hope that she clung to dissipate as Poe looked at her with wild eyes.

“He’s-“

“Gone Poe, Ben’s gone. They were right, they were all right” Rey staggered a little as she said it, just as Ben – no, _Kylo Ren’s_ voice rang down the hall.

_“Rey!”_ the desperation in the cry pulled at every aspect of her soul, almost as if the Force itself was begging her to turn around.

But she couldn’t, he wasn’t hers anymore.

In his place curled a dark, black monster.

“Keep moving, we have to get out of the base” they took another sharp turn, Chewie leading the charge as they rushed out into the snow.

“Rey!” she finally allowed herself to turn, watching as Ren stood in front of her, saber held limply in his hand.

The saber that killed Han.

Rey suddenly found herself full of rage, igniting her own saber and lunching at him in fury.

“You _killed him,_ murderer!” Ren deflected the blows, but didn’t fight back, his chest heaving and eyes wide as he opened his mouth again.

“Re-“

“ _I’ll kill you!”_ Ren leapt back as she swung again, Poe and Chewie standing behind her with their blasters raised.

“Fight back you coward!” but he didn’t, merely continuing his half-hearted defence as she finally swung out her other arm, bolts of lightning shooting from her finger tips like they had that day with Luke and she barely registered the look of terror on her estranged husband’s face as he was blown back through the trees, landing hard on the frozen ground.

Poe went to grab her and she jerked away violently.

“Rey, come on, we gotta go! This whole place is going to blow!” she snarled viciously as she stalked towards the man gingerly climbing to his knees. He looked at her with desperate eyes and whispered brokenly as tears fell from his cheeks, dripping into the snow as he tried to catch his breath.

“Rey, Rey _please-_ “ she lashed out with the blue kyber, reopening the scar on his face as he fell back with wide eyes. She lunged towards him again and suddenly the earth shook beneath her, she leapt back just as a huge crater formed between them.

“Rey!” she turned to see Poe and Chewie, now joined by Finn, who’s eyes were wide.

“Rey, we gotta go now this whole place is about to blow!” she glanced back at Ren, who hadn’t even looked over at his fallen saber as he stared at her desperately.

“Re-“ she deactivated the weapon, violently yanking off her wedding ring and hurling it as him callously as she turned away, rushing back to the group as they ran off.

She didn’t see Ben desperately search through the snow until he found it, cradling it in his eyes as a soul crushing sob ripped itself loose from his throat.

_“Rey!”_

* * *

Rey collapsed into Leia’s arms sobbing as the _Nexus_ blasted away from the dying planet, Chewie falling to his knees on the bridge as Poe turned to Finn.

“You were right, I’m so sorry” Finn looked at him sadly, pulling him into a side hug as he murmured softly.

“S’okay man, I get it, its okay.”

Leia gently shushed Rey as she ran a hand through her hair, the action reminiscent of the last time they’d lost so much, back when this was just beginning.

“He killed him! Oh stars he’s gone, they’re both gone!” Leia remained silent, too lost in her own grief to be able to verbally comfort the girl as Kaydel and Rose gently moved on either side of them.

“Why don’t we get you two somewhere quiet, get some tea? Poe and Finn can handle it out here” Finn nodded in agreement as the widows were escorted off the bridge and Poe turned to Finn with wide eyes.

“What’s the plan general?”

* * *

Hux heard the piercing cry long before he found his Supreme Leader, huddled in the snow letting out the most pained wails he’d ever heard. As much as Hux hated him, even he had to admit that his heart clenched at the broken sound.

“Supreme Leader?” Ren flinched away from the name, almost as though he was afraid of it as Hux knelt down next to him, finally noticing the large amount of red in the snow as he moved towards him with the hesitancy of approaching a rabid dog.

“Ren, let me see your wound” Ren jerked to him in fury, his split open face and wild eyes making him look more demon than man as Hux gasped.

“I need a medical team!” Hux slung an arm around his shoulders, pulling the heaving man to his feet. Ren immediately folded one arm into his chest, fist closed tightly as Hux began to lead him towards the escape craft as the planet continued to implode.

“Is your arm injured?” Ren shook his head, refusing to show the General his hand, and the little gold band held securely in it.

Hux dropped him unceremoniously into a seat, turning to watch his officers fly them away from the base as a medical droid began to tend to Ren’s face. He was glad it was a droid.

The droids never mentioned the tears.

* * *

_“Rey?”_ Rey blinked her puffy eyes open, rolling out of Leia’s sleeping embrace and snarling at the man standing in front of her.

The Bacta tape was across his face, healing the wound she had inflicted. His eyes were red-rimmed and sunken, his face pale as he stared at her with his chest heaving.

“Murderous Snake!” she saw something in his eyes shatter as he let out a shaky breath. He looked at her with pleading eyes as she tried desperately to keep her emotions in check as he stared at her. He slowly extended his hand and she watched his lips press into a thin line as she jerked away from him. He opened his fist and she gasped as she found her wedding ring in his shaking hand.

_“Please”_ his voice was so soft, and there were so many pleading questions behind that single please.

But Rey didn’t hear any of them.

She glared at him and bared her teeth.

“Get out” Ren stared at her as he tried to open his mouth again and he croaked out a broken sentence.

_“Don’t give up on me”_ Rey reared her head back and spit, surprising herself when it actually landed on his face. Ren curled his fingers around the band again, pressing his fist back to his chest, cradling it protectively as he nodded, swallowing thickly.

Suddenly Rey was alone in the room again, not allowing herself to grieve as the silence permeated her mind. Ren locking his shields down tighter than she’d ever experienced them.

* * *

Aboard the First Order’s last standing dreadnought, the _Steadfast_ , Ben fell to his knees and wailed as the loss of his father, the guilt of murdering him and the loneliness of losing everything engulfed him.

He’d kill Palpatine, even if it killed him.

It wasn’t like he was going to be missed anyway.

* * *

“Our sources indicate that there is an abnormal amount of activity on Exegol, we have reason to believe that Ren is building an army there.

Rey gritted her teeth, now understanding why Ren wouldn’t let her go to Exegol with him.

It had never had anything to her, it was all to do with his power. She felt sick. He’d never cared about her.

She resolutely ignored the pitying looks the other rebels were giving her as she looked at Poe with hard eyes.

“The ancient texts left behind by Skywalker suggest that there’s a Wayfinder that can lead to Exegol, but we’re unsure where to find one. There is a mention of a ship on Endor which may have the answer, but we won’t know until we get there” Finn nodded as Leia spoke up.

“We took quite a hit on Ilum, right now our best bet is to recover and repair all we have, they were hit harder so we can afford a small respite. Give us all a chance to grieve and heal” the group nodded solemnly and slowly began to disperse as Maz walked up to her.

“Rey…” he reached for her but Rey stepped away.

“I’m sorry Maz, not right now” Maz looked at her as she walked away, calling out softly.

“Don’t give up on him, you and I both know there is more at play here than we know” Rey looked over her shoulder at the older woman and sighed heavily.

“Maz, I have no more hope left to give. I can’t keep waiting for someone who isn’t here” Maz shook her head and sighed and sighed as Rey walked off, turning to look at the sky.

“Don’t lose faith young Solo, you still have friends here – even if it is only me”

* * *

His quarters were in shambles, nothing had escaped the wrath of Kylo Ren and his lightsaber. The bed unsalvageable, replacement bookshelves long destroyed and smoke filling the room as he slashed around, the pain engulfing him as he screamed his throat raw.

He lost his father, and with it he realized his only supporter. The only one who had truly believed in him was gone. And he’d killed him.

He was a monster.

_“Yes you are, and what a powerful monster you are”_ Ben flinched at the voice in his head, unable to see through his own tears as he fell to his knees.

“I did what you said, now keep your end” Palpatine hummed in his head before he spoke.

_“I am a man of my word, I will cease my pursuit of your darling Rey – who I guess isn’t so darling anymore”_ Ben pressed his head into the floor as he screamed, the hatred in his wife’s eyes burning behind his eyelids as he gasped. She’d closed their Bond, and the pain was unlike anything he’d ever experienced. He wanted to die. He would never be able to describe the pain burning through his body and all he could do was pray that Rey wasn’t feeling what he was.

That being said, he had never looked into blocking their Bond, only shielding it. Maybe it was worth the pain, to be rid of him. He wouldn’t blame her. Ben couldn’t live like this, he’d never recover.

_“Oh, my dear boy. What do you say to one more deal?”_ Ben whimpered, hugging himself and focusing on the weight of Rey’s wedding ring from where it now discreetly hung from his neck.

_“You do what I say, and I’ll make all the pain stop”_ Ben let out a dry snort and glared at the floor.

“And how are you going to do that, exactly?”

_“Why, I’ll kill you of course.”_

* * *

Rey breathed deeply as she walked through her tent, her eyes landing on their wedding holo as tears pricked her eyes painfully. She suddenly grabbed the picture, throwing it across the room and watching it shatter and glitch to black, her husband’s smiling face gone forever. She let out an anguished scream as she began ripping the flannels as sobs racked her petite frame, willing herself to ignore the comforting scent of her love as she began blindly slicing with her saber.

She collapsed onto her bed as the silence in her head, so familiar to her youth on Jakku enveloped her, she could faintly feel the repeated pressing at her Bond, as Ren repeatedly tried to get through, but she wouldn’t break. Her husband was gone.

But she’d get her revenge.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter deals with talk of internal injuries and death!!

_Ben continued to shiver violently as he lay in their bunk, Rey smiling softly as she came back into the room. She crawled back onto the bunk, setting the cup of steaming tea on the bedside ledge as he opened his quivering arms to pull her into him again._

_Rey snickered as he pressed his shaky lips to her head, Ben smiled at her laugh and burrowed his frozen nose into her neck as she wrapped her arms around him and nestled in._

_“Kriff, you’re still freezing” Ben murmured an apology and started to pull away from her only for Rey to tug him back._

_“Now where you going?” she tugged her fiancé back with a giggle and pressed their foreheads together. Ben hummed at the warm presence around him and Rey kissed his nose._

_“Don’t you go taking off on me Ben Solo, I kinda like having you around” Ben smiled softly as he rested his head against hers._

_“Thanks for coming back for me sweetheart” Rey hummed and reached up to gently run her fingers through his raven hair, the sensation lulling him into comfort._

_“I’ll always come back for you, just like you come back for me right?” Ben nodded, feeling his muscles between to ache as the shivering finally began to stop._

_“O’course I will, that’s a promise darlin’” Rey grinned and closed her eyes as they cuddled together._

_“Good, me too” Ben wrapped his arms around her, holding her close as she continued to run her hands through his hair, letting himself drift off._

* * *

Ben lay in his temporary quarters, running his own hand through his hair in a pathetic attempt to comfort himself as he tried to regulate his breathing. He pushed gently against the Bond again, trying to seem as unthreatening as possible.

But the block wouldn’t budge.

Ben sighed heavily, dragging his heavy body off the bed again. He hadn’t slept in weeks, hadn’t eaten in just as long.

He knew he was getting weaker, that the Force was likely the only thing keeping him standing at this point. He hoped Rey was okay, that she was sleeping. He hoped that Chewie had her eating.

He rolled his head up to look at the ceiling, heavy eyes falling closed again as tears leaked from his irritated eyes. He tried to focus his mind to meditate, he could barely doing it with his head pounding and his throat so raw.

“Dad, I don’t – if you can hear me. _Please_ , let her be okay, and mom” Ben let out a weak sob, tearing at his already raw throat.

“I know, I know there’s nothing left for me – that they don’t want me, but take care of them for me” he grabbed weakly at the ring dangling around his neck.

A knock at the door broke his concentration, the modulated tone of one of his Knights coming through the door.

“Supreme Leader, the ship is ready” Ben swayed on his feet as he placed the helmet on his head, opening the door and walking towards the hangar. His Knights were the closest thing he had to allies now, and he wasn’t too proud to admit that he found comfort in the black clad squad that followed him blindly.

At least someone was on his side, sort of.

* * *

The regret coursed through Rey’s veins like acid as she desperately tried to force her holo-image back together.

Kylo Ren killed her husband, but she’d been so blinded by her rage that she’d destroyed all her memories of Ben.

She felt him pulling at the Bond again, and her heart broke as she shut it down. There was nothing more she wanted to do then throw the door open and feel that _wholeness_ again.

But Ben was gone.

“Hey Rey-“ Finn stopped as he walked in the bunk, looking at her tearfully sitting on the bed. The rest of the damage had long been cleaned, but this was far from the first time he’d found her trying to piece it together. He sighed heavily and came to sit behind her on the bed as he hugged her to his chest like a protective brother.

“My stupid temper, always ruining everything” Finn tsked as he looked at it.

“Why don’t you see if Rose can fix it, she’s a genius with this stuff” Rey nodded and wiped her eyes.

“Are we almost there?” Finn sighed heavily and nodded.

“We expect to be in Exegol airspace day after tomorrow” Rey nodded, bringing a hand up to gently finger the pendent on her neck, the purple kyber her only intact memory now.

“I need to be the one that ends this, I need it to be me Finn” Finn graciously didn’t ask her to clarify as she swallowed thickly, tears falling down her face.

“I want to bury him after though, he still had his face” Finn nodded and rested his chin on her shoulder, squeezing her lethargically.

“I’ll make sure the word is out, have you eaten?” she shook her head and Finn sighed.

“C’mon Rey, you need your strength. Let’s go get you something to eat” she nodded listlessly and followed him, suddenly overcome with a sharp pain in her side. She fell against Finn as he yelled out in shock.

“Rey!”

* * *

_Rey stared around the black room, pressing her hand to her side as she heaved. She gaped in confusion._

_The Force had connected her and Ben – no._

_The Force had connected her and Kylo Ren._

_She turned to look at him in fury and froze._

_Ren was doubled over, pink streams of drool falling from his lips into the blood stained vomit pool below him._

_Sobs were wracking his body as he held the same position on his side and she felt her heart break without her control. She went to reach for him when she suddenly realized she wasn’t entirely there. She was transparent._

_She shuffled her feet as she approached him, not trusting her voice. That’s when she realized her boots made no sound on the tiles._

_He had no idea she was there._

_“Ben-“_

**_“He can’t hear you”_ ** _Rey flinched at the sudden, cold voice inside her head, feeling the icy shrill up and down her spine. She didn’t need to recognize that voice to know who owned it._

_“Vader” the voice never confirmed the identity, but continued talking._

**_“You could do it right now, run him through. He wouldn’t even know you were there”_ ** _Rey suddenly became aware of the weight of her saber on her belt. She began to slowly move towards him, unable to stop herself from activating her weapon._

_Ben still never moved, heaving again as he reached for his throat._

**_“Do it, save your friends, avenge your family. Kill Kylo Ren”_ ** _tears fell from her eyes as she slowly stepped forward when she suddenly realized what he was grabbing at by his neck._

_It was her wedding ring._

_She froze as she began to hear him mutter._

_“You promised, you promised you wouldn’t give up on me. You lied, you all lied.” Ben heaved another sob and Rey stumbled back, dropping the saber as Ben let out a ragged scream._

_“Rey!”_

* * *

“Rey!” she blinked her eyes open, now surrounded by Finn, Poe, Leia and others as she realized she was in the medical bay back on board the _Nexus._

Leia smiled and ran a hand through her hair.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Rey furrowed her brow in confusion and looked at her mother in law.

“What happened?” Leia looked at her sternly.

“You collapsed from exhaustion, and dehydration” Rey turned to the nurse and furrowed her brow.

“What about the pain in my side” the nurse looked at her in confusion as he stepped forward.

“Can you show me where the pain was?” she gestured and the nurse pulled over a scanner. The nurse hummed and shook his head.

“No sign of anything, but I want you to come back and check in with me regularly, a pancreas is serious business.” Rey suddenly remembered that Ben had been holding that same place.

“What could cause it?” the nurse shrugged, unaware of how worried Rey had suddenly become.

“Anything, could be illness or trauma-“ Rey suddenly remembered the image of her estranged husband flying back through the trees, electric bolts flying from her hand and into his chest.

Her voice shook as a dread filled her chest cavity.

“So like if I fell?” the nurse nodded, Leia and the others beginning to look at her.

“Yes, from a height or if you were thrown into something, a hit with a blunt object could do something as well” Rey swallowed thickly and spoke again.

“Could that cause vomiting blood” the entire room suddenly went silent as the nurse looked at her sternly.

“Are you vomiting blood?” Rey shook her head, eyes welling with tears and she placed her hands in her lap.

“No, no – just figured I should keep an eye out” she tried to chuckle but no one laughed with her. The nurse left and Rey stared down at her lap as Leia played with her hair. A hollowness engulfing her chest as his screams replayed over and over in her head.

_You promised me._

* * *

“Ren” Kylo tried to keep himself upright as Hux appraised him. Hoping his lifeless eyes came across as intimidating as opposed to pathetic.

“What!?” Hux swallowed and squared his shoulders.

“People on the ship are beginning to worry, your behaviour is exceptionally erratic as of late and I am having a hard time controlling the rumours, and as a result the loyalty of our officers”

“Maybe you should learn to better instill loyalty in your troops General” Hux rolled his eyes and looked at him.

“Your Knights are the ones bringing forward the concerns.” Ren froze, activating his red saber in rage. Hux let out a sigh and looked at him.

“Enough, I don’t like you – but I won’t let you ruin this Order. I’ve abated the rumours for now, but before we land on Exegol you _will_ go for Recalibration. I can’t let you ruin this for us” Ren held his gaze for several long seconds before nodding.

“Fine, send them in then – droids only” Hux nodded and stormed out to retrieve the team.

Kylo began to remove his outer layers, ignoring the blooming bruise which started at his back and wrapped around his side. He eased himself into a chair as the droids puttered into the room. He sat listlessly as they began to set up the machines, eyes looking forward unseeing as he tried again to breach the wall Rey had built between their bond.

He just wanted to say goodbye.

He sighed heavily as the cage enclosed his head, resting his chin on the rest and taking the bit into his mouth as tears slid from his eyes. He heard it hum to life and allowed one ragged sob to escape him as the first jolts of pain entered his mind.

He jolted and let out one last shout into the Force.

He wanted his mom.

* * *

Leia jolted up in bed, scrambling around for a light as her son’s twelve year old voice echoed in her head as a terrified scream.

_Mom._

The voice was a horrible, broken sound. Laced with fear and anguish. She searched the Force, trying desperately to locate his signature. She thought she had it, but suddenly she was filled with a searing pain before it went silent again.

Leia swallowed thickly as tears began to fall from her eyes.

_Ben?_

Silence.

_Ben, come home._

But there was nothing, and Leia felt her very soul weaken as her child’s desperate cry rang in her ears. She sat in the bed, lulling herself into meditation as she desperately called for him again. Needing to hear him again, if only to prove she wasn’t insane.

_Ben, I’m here. Come home Ben._

But the silence carried on and on.


End file.
